I Really Need to Go to a Dentist
The other day at work, I was hanging out in the bathroom admiring my teeth. According to the last dentist I went to that I actually trusted back in Illinois in 2002ish, I needed my wisdom teeth pulled immediately, since I'd actually needed them removed years earlier. However, I was about to get married and move to Arizona, so the logistics of it all were not really working in my favor, I mean who wants chipmunk cheek wedding pictures?
Also, I was terrified. My brother had his removed a few years earlier and showed me gaping holes that constantly filled with blood until they healed. Everyone I mentioned the removal of my teeth to, had fantastically gruesome stories of their own, that they were more than happy to share, which did nothing to assuage my fears. Rather, they convinced me that a little pain now and then coupled with a matching set of upper and lower buck teeth (that my parents had so proudly fixed with braces 10 years prior), were actually interesting characteristics that would make me a better person in the long run. So I’d made up my mind to keep my fabulous wisdom teeth for the rest of my life, until Jon reminded me that I would get to take like, a week off work!
Jon and I moved to Arizona. I got one of the world’s worst jobs ever (A few months before I quit, I had to start taking Zoloft to get through the day), but it did have dental insurance, and the thought of a week away from it was comforting. I scoured the dental section of the Yellow Pages and found a very kind looking Asian man (who was pictured with a happy little girl) and decided he would be the lucky dentist to assign an oral surgeon to me. On the day of the appointment, Jon and I were very sad to discover that my wonderful newbestfriend (I’d talked him up a lot in my mind) dentist had moved to San Francisco, and left his practice in the hands of a twelve year old. A twelve year old who informed me that every single tooth in my head was on the verge of rotting out of my gums, and that he would be more than happy to remove my wisdom teeth to save me the trip to a horrible oral surgeon. However, if he removed my wisdom teeth, he would need to break my jaw to do it and the chances of him severing my nerve were about 95%. He also informed me that the severed nerve would cause my jaw to tingle for approximately 3 months, which if the tingle didn’t stop at that point, I would have to see an oral surgeon. Finally, he told me that I could possibly die because of the toxins the removal would produce that would go straight to my heart. I am serious! He said all of this. As you can imagine, I have never left anywhere so fast in my life (save a “fun” house at Santa’s Village, but that’s a story for another day). So, obviously I never went back to him.
Next, my boss at the horrible job recommended her dentist. He also told me all my teeth were rotting out of my head and he would need to fill all the cavities before he would even consider sending me to someone else to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Somehow, 2 trips to him used up my ENTIRE dental insurance policy for the year, plus I had to pay $400 dollars extra, and I got a total of 5 pinhead sized cavities filled, and never got my wisdom teeth removed. Also, he had TV’s at each of his chairs, and rather than pay attention to his patients’ mouths, he watched Blind Date. This resulted in him butchering Jon’s gums. Jon awesomely turned off the TV, which angered the butcher. After this, we gave up. Also, we had no money left.
Also, I was terrified. My brother had his removed a few years earlier and showed me gaping holes that constantly filled with blood until they healed. Everyone I mentioned the removal of my teeth to, had fantastically gruesome stories of their own, that they were more than happy to share, which did nothing to assuage my fears. Rather, they convinced me that a little pain now and then coupled with a matching set of upper and lower buck teeth (that my parents had so proudly fixed with braces 10 years prior), were actually interesting characteristics that would make me a better person in the long run. So I’d made up my mind to keep my fabulous wisdom teeth for the rest of my life, until Jon reminded me that I would get to take like, a week off work!
Jon and I moved to Arizona. I got one of the world’s worst jobs ever (A few months before I quit, I had to start taking Zoloft to get through the day), but it did have dental insurance, and the thought of a week away from it was comforting. I scoured the dental section of the Yellow Pages and found a very kind looking Asian man (who was pictured with a happy little girl) and decided he would be the lucky dentist to assign an oral surgeon to me. On the day of the appointment, Jon and I were very sad to discover that my wonderful newbestfriend (I’d talked him up a lot in my mind) dentist had moved to San Francisco, and left his practice in the hands of a twelve year old. A twelve year old who informed me that every single tooth in my head was on the verge of rotting out of my gums, and that he would be more than happy to remove my wisdom teeth to save me the trip to a horrible oral surgeon. However, if he removed my wisdom teeth, he would need to break my jaw to do it and the chances of him severing my nerve were about 95%. He also informed me that the severed nerve would cause my jaw to tingle for approximately 3 months, which if the tingle didn’t stop at that point, I would have to see an oral surgeon. Finally, he told me that I could possibly die because of the toxins the removal would produce that would go straight to my heart. I am serious! He said all of this. As you can imagine, I have never left anywhere so fast in my life (save a “fun” house at Santa’s Village, but that’s a story for another day). So, obviously I never went back to him.
Next, my boss at the horrible job recommended her dentist. He also told me all my teeth were rotting out of my head and he would need to fill all the cavities before he would even consider sending me to someone else to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Somehow, 2 trips to him used up my ENTIRE dental insurance policy for the year, plus I had to pay $400 dollars extra, and I got a total of 5 pinhead sized cavities filled, and never got my wisdom teeth removed. Also, he had TV’s at each of his chairs, and rather than pay attention to his patients’ mouths, he watched Blind Date. This resulted in him butchering Jon’s gums. Jon awesomely turned off the TV, which angered the butcher. After this, we gave up. Also, we had no money left.
By this time, my wisdom teeth were really starting to hurt to the point that I tried removing them myself with a pair of pliers. Unfortunately, a horrified Jon stopped me. I tried to explain that I was only going to remove the one that had poked up, but he wasn’t interested. He also refused to punch me in the jaw! See, the wisdom teeth on the bottom take turns coming up. (Since I don’t have a flip top head, I can’t see the ones on the top and they really don’t bother me, so I like to pretend they don’t exist.) The one on the right side will slowly and painfully pop through my gum at the same time the one on the left gets crowded down below my gum and vice versa. Yea, teamwork!
Eventually, I quit my horrible job and started this one that also has dental insurance. Unfortunately, we have been so traumatized by the dental service of AZ, our policy has been sitting unused. But, getting back to my bathroom mirror visit, I noticed that the wisdom tooth on the left was coming in again. However, it appeared to be growing in black. Also, one of my pinhole fillings has somehow fallen out, so I have a cute little black hole in the side of one of my teeth. At this point, I am kind of hoping that my teeth actually do rot out of my head, because false teeth can’t possibly be this annoying, can they? I just don’t know what my teeth want from me. I brush and floss everyday! That should really make them strong enough to fight off the gallons of soda I consume on a daily basis. I mean come on, my liver and kidneys do fine!
Before I end this on such a “Dentists Suck” kind of note (which is kind of funny because they have those hoses that suck out your spit…), I would like to say that not all dentists are bad. The dentist that I went to from ages 2 – 19 that specialized in children (his office had kid-sized brightly colored chairs and those awesome 80’s gigantic plastic crayons on his wall) was super nice and non-threatening. When he counted your teeth, he used the voice of Sesame Street’s Count, and he would give you great stickers that said things like “I got Sealed!” and had a picture of a seal on them. I sure wish I still lived in Illinois, and that my feet and head did not hang off of his darling little chairs. Dr. Markarian, you rule! So do you, second-good-Illinois- dentist-I-went-to-that-I-can't-remeber-your-name-but-you're-not-as-great-as-Dr. Markarian-because-you-were-the-one-who-told-me-my-wisdom-teeth-needed-to-come-out- in-the-first-place.
Oh yes, I am now taking recommendations for women dentists in the greater Phoenix area. Thank you.
posted by bunnycat! @ 8:31 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I had my wisdom teeth removed many years ago and was shocked, after all the horror stories I had heard, that it really wasn't that bad. There was some pain later, of course, but they give really good drugs for that. Also, once a dentist refers you to an oral surgeon, usually your health insurance covers that, not your dental insurance. At least, that's the way mine works.
Did I tell you horrible stories? Now all I remember is the first time I was ever "put under" and then drinking milkshakes for a week. I think dentists in CA suck too. Mine told me my teeth were horrible, despite the good comments I always got in Illinois. He said I have gum disease and made me pay for all kinds of deep cleanings. He also said I had cavitites, which I've never ever had before. Ben's so disappointed in the $ we had to spend, that he won't go until we get moved to another state.
i really enjoyed reading about your dentist adventures, but I'm sorry you had to go throught that crap.
is it a little sad that I'm 22 and I still go to Dr. Markarian because I hate dentists and he also told me about 4 years ago that I need my wisdom teeth taken out. I may consent to letting him take out the bottom two, but for now my top ones are ok.
Hey, don't forget to give Dr. Giest a call. I have to go on Monday for my 6 month cleaning. He is awsome, any everyone that works there is nice.
Later,
gchill
Not only did Dr. Markarian rule, but he also gave fluoride treatments in all sorts of fantastic neon colors. When bad siblings (you know who you are) tried and succeeded in making you laugh with the mouthguards full of fluoride in them, your drool came out the exact same neon color! This, of course, only caused more laughter and more drool, and very entertained dental assistants. Good times. How can you not like the dentist? :)
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