Where There's Smoke, I've Been Cooking

If you'll remember from my past posts, I've been trying to learn how to cook (better, as I already make a mean bowl of spaghetti and Prego). So far it's been going fairly well. I'm even sort of learning how to clean up while the food is cooking/ cooling instead of waiting until my kitchen sink starts to smell so bad I can't even bear to sit in the living room and watch TV without putting my nose in my shirt, or until I'm in desperate need of a bowl to concoct my next dish in, or a plate to consume said dish. However, I'd encountered some problems with the last few items of food I made...

If you'll remember my post about my ill-fated crackers, you'll remember the scene with black smoke pouring out of my oven. Weeeeell, it happened again when I made parmesan puffs, and Monti's rosemary foccacia. When I was making the bread, the smoke got so bad that I called my mom to ask if she knew what the problem was. She guessed that it could be burning crumbs that were stuck to the bottom of the oven. I didn't think that was too likely because whenever I cook crumby stuff, I put it on aluminum foil. When the bread was done, I inspected the oven and it was crumb free. I didn't have dried rosemary, so I ended up using "fresh" stuff from the store and decided that it must have been wet enough to cause smoking.

The bread and puffs were pretty good, although slightly under done. Also, for some weird reason all of the above items tasted kind of waxy. I didn't really think too much more about it as I sat down to watch Alton Brown's Good Eats and enjoy my slightly spongy waxy puffs. "Oh, Alton," I thought as I gummed away, "You've sure made clean up easier since suggesting I cook things on parchment paper."

A few weeks later I decided to make gooey butter cookies (a delicious recipe given to me by my mom's friend Mischele). Once again, the oven started smoking badly. "This is so weird! I've cooked plenty of other things with no smoke," I said to myself as I rushed around opening every available window, disarming the smoke alarm, and trying to locate Sophie and Ahmit in case we needed to evacuate. When the timer went off, I removed the cookies. Yes, of course, I waited until they were done cooking... I really wanted cookies and the smoke had begun to clear. While I waited around for the next batch of cookies to cool enough to remove them from the cookie sheet so I could get the next batch started, and since it was much too foggy to see the TV, I began form a thought. "I wonder if parchment paper and wax paper aren't really the same thing?" I took out my wax paper and began to read it...

"Line cake pans for baking". Clearly wax paper is meant for cooking things, so I still have no idea what is wrong with my oven. The next day I took my springy cookies over to Kirt's house. I warned him that they tasted kind of off, but I was eating them anyway because they were also kind of good. As he was eating them, I explained to him about the smoky haunted oven and how I thought I had figured out the problem, but I was wrong because I checked on the box and it verified that wax paper was meant for cooking with.

I had seen the look on his face more times than I care to admit (one of the worst being when I announced with shock and incredulousness "There's MILK in YOGURT!?!"), but I still refused to believe that he was correct even as he was rolling on the floor laughing and pointing while spitting cookies out and wiping his mouth out with paper towels. So, I began polling people. Apparently I'm the only person in the universe who didn't know that parchment paper and wax paper are not the same thing. My brother explained it best by telling me that parchment paper is infused with silicon, while wax paper is infused with, well wax, which melts in heat. I don't understand how it's safe to use while baking cakes, but not breads or cookies. I also don't really care anymore, since my mom bought a roll of parchment paper and I successfully baked some awesome banana bread with no waxy after/ during taste. I'm not sure what to do with the leftover wax paper, or what the heck I had it for in the first place, but I do know that I will not be using any of the box's suggestions ever again, as I am positive that Seran wrap, aluminum foil, plastic bags, flour, and candles pretty much cover (much better I might add) all of the things wax paper is supposedly useful for.