It Must Be Fate...

So while I was surfing the interweb last night, I found my new favorite website Hello Kitty Hell. Apparently this guy is married to someone with an insatiable love for all things Hello Kitty, and in order to keep his sanity, he writes this really funny blog about all the random Hello Kitty things his wife buys and then sells on ebay, while generally making his life a Hello Kitty Hell. He has pictures of everything decked out in Hello Kitty from Ferraris, sushi, baby perfume, and my personal favorite so far, the Hello Kitty Darth Vader which he claims was Photoshopped (his wife and I both hope not!).

Now, after the near break-in, (which after a lot more thought, I am pretty sure was just some stupid kids being stupid*) Kirt thought I should get a gun. I wasn't too sure because I just read some Michael Moore book that says more times than not, the bad guy uses the gun against the homeowner. However, the more I thought about it, the less I could sleep because I was soooo excited about the thought of shooting a bad guy to death. I had my hiding spot and order of events (such as call 911 at the first weird sound and before shooting) all planned out, but after days of working on the fantastic "Go ahead, make my day" type of tagline I would use just before jumping out from my hidey hole and blowing the would be rapist-cat mangler's face/ genitals/ upper body to pieces and not being able to come up with one single awesome badass thing to say, I gave up my dream. Also (thankfully) there haven't been any disturbances lately. However, after stumbling upon Hello Kitty Hell my interest in looking out for the little guy has been renewed when I found some guns that I think would actually be pretty great for me...

This is the one I really, really, really want...

Soooo cute!!! Followed by this one...

Handy size for keeping in my nightstand or purse when I get my concealed weapons permit.

Then, I like the purple metallic on this next one, but overall I don't really like it. The wood and weird texture of the sock(?) thingy at the end make it a little, I dunno, cheap? tacky? low class? I'm not really sure. It's just not as much me. Now if the wood were covered with pink rhinestones, it would be a totally different story.

Next, I love the decals on this one! How cute is HK with her gun!? Also note the delicate flowers on the hand grip! However, even with these amazing details, it's not my favorite. It looks like a cheap plastic water gun to me, even though I know it is an incredibly expensive killing machine. I go back and forth on it. Like, if someone gave it to me I'd be thrilled, but I just don't know if I'd go out of my way to purchase it for myself... No, on second thought, I would. She's just too darn cute with her little gun!!! Plus, can't you see my hero, Elle Woods carrying it?

Finally, after several days of thought on the matter and running through the options he thought best for me, Kirt decided a shotgun was the best choice. A shotgun!? Are you f'ing kidding me!?! I'm not f'ing Annie Oakley and it's not 1896! I want a cool gun!!! One that kills people, not just fires pebbles at them while they continue to make their way towards you laughing the whole time!

Then I saw this one...

I guess if I HAD to get a stupid shotgun instead of a cool gun, this is definitely the only option to consider. I mean it's fuzzy and you can get matching bullets!! But seriously, I don't think a bad guy would be deterred in the least by a lousy shot gun. Little kids go around shooting cans (and each other, thus proving my point that they are worthless as a means of defense) with them. I am not impressed, nor do I want one. Geez! I could do more damage this...

if I could lure the bad guy into an already filled bathtub. Or this...

if I hit him over the head with it. Dude, even the sushi is potentially more fatal than that stupid (but lovely) shotgun.

*Anyway, hopefully I have no need to buy any of these items (minus the toaster and waffle maker. I want those!) because, like I said I am pretty sure it was just stupid kids playing a prank or at least not (yet) trying to break into my house. For one thing, my cats didn't do anything differently than normal. Now say what you will about cats not really caring for their people (this is true), however anytime there is an interesting noise out any window in my house, Ahmit, and especially Sophie are on it! I can't count how many times they will go flying to my patio window when they hear like, a leaf floating past the glass, yet they didn't show any signs of hearing anything that Sunday. Secondly, neither did I and it was silent in my house, especially when the power was turned off. Which leads me to my third point. I did buy a lock for my breaker box and when I went to give my neighbor a key to it since we share the same box, he asked if there was a separate box for the AC, (there is) because his AC kept going on and off, which once again sounds like little jerks just pushing buttons and flipping switches for fun. However, those little jerks had better be careful, lest they end up on the wrong end of someone's hot pink metallic and maraboued rifle some night...